Focus. Focus your Living. . .

I have found that it works well for me to think about who I am (not who I wish I was) and make choices that reinforce me rather than erode me.  Of course, I have some sense of who I want to become -- warmer, more loving, a better listener, and so on.  So I make choices that do not assume I have arrived in these dimensions, but that might move me an inch or so in their direction.

Then I read Jill Bolte Taylor, "My Stroke of Insight", p. 183,

"In an atempt to diminish the power of my fear/anger response, I intentionally choose not to watch scary movies or hang out with people whose anger circuitry is easily set off.  I consciously make choices that directly impact my circuitry.  Since I like being joyful, I hang out with people who value  my joy."

I think she gets it.  I try to put myself in situations where I practice careful listening.  I work at being warmer with people without becoming inappropriate or smarmy.  I don't watch much TV, and I choose not to watch much violence or horror.  

You probably make choices (consciously or unconsciously) as well.  I hope so.  Just letting life happen seems so un-thinking to me.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know. 

Tension, Conflict and Life -- second post

It's not just the stock market, of course, that has this built in ambiguity.  With the stock market ambiguity reigns with respect to pricing and market direction.  But other areas of life are as puzzling.

The boss tells you to tighten up on staff reviews.  But when you do, he says you are picking in your staff, and you get in trouble.

You slow down to get past the narrow space by a traffic accident and the policeperson scowls at you and waves you to move faster.  But just a few weeks ago a worker was killed by a guy going to fast. . .

Living well is as full of contradictions as is living poorly.  Well, almost as full.  Actually living poorly by being doped up all the time, drunk all the time, or angry all the time probably gets about the same rotten payoffs most of the time, so maybe there are fewer conflicts in terms of contradictions when you live poorly.

Living well, however . . . respecting other's, seeing the reason for laws and obeying them, doing unto others what you wish people would do for you. . . that leads to all kinds of conflict and tension.

Good stories depend on conflict, of course.  Little Bo Peep wouldn't be half an interesting if she never lost her sheep.  Batman would bore us if there were no bad guys at work  in Gotham City.  Avoiding ambiguity, deploring conflict and abhorring tension doesn't work and stories that do so put us asleep.

Stay puzzled, my friend.  Real life is puzzling.  Let me tell you one more puzzling story.

A young woman was approached by a guy who told her she was pregnant.  Many people believe this was an expression of the love of God.

This weird love of God tore her life apart, and she lived to see her son executed by crucifixion.  Love?  Ambiguous at best.  Maybe in retrospect.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Success? Failure? Living Well!!

Dean Koontz has written series of books about Odd Thomas.  Seemingly he was supposed to be named Todd Thomas, but someone left off the "T", so he was called Odd.  I have only read three such books in a longer series, but they got me thinking (there's that wonderful word, thinking about what it means to be successful.

Odd Thomas is wonderfully humble.  He doesn't cringe or wring his hands, but he freely accepts that he doesn't know much about most things, he can do one or two things fairly well, and life will take many twists and turns he cannot anticipate.  Wow!   But can a person with that kind of honest self-knowledge be a success?

Think about yourself, for instance.  Or, if thinking about yourself is too personal, too "touchy-feely" for you, think about someone you admire.

• What makes you admire that person (or yourself)?
• What would you like to see more of in yourself or in that person?
• Are you, or is that person, approachable?
• Do you need an appointment to see yourself, or the person you admire?
• What puts you off about yourself or about that other person?

If you are genuinely humble, are you successful?  Failing?

If you value honesty more than money, are you successful, or failing?

If you find worth in everybody, even evil people who were once neat kids, sweet babies, do you like yourself because of that, or despise yourself because of the way you see worth in pretty much everyone?

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Important and Urgent

Our lives often seem boring.  No drama marks our days.  We drive through congested traffic to work, and . . . ditto coming home.  Yet those of us who watch the occasional TV show are programmed to think our lives should be dramatic, and we get to feeling we are boring.  Dull.  And we equate feeling boring with being 'nothings'.  No bombs go off in our cars, we don't dive from a thirteen story balcony into a convenient swimming pool successfully, we don't carry a gun.

It is easy to feel sorry for ourselves.  A person to whom I was once close feels sorry for herself a lot because she has to manufacture drama in order to feel good about herself.  Needing to be a drama queen she really has become boring.  She was much more interesting and fun to be with when she was herself.

In a book by Dean Koontz his sort-of hero is in a thrift store and has changed into dry clothes.  He reflects that “I tucked the pistol in a deep pocket of the raincoat and opened the changing-room door, prepared—thought not eager—to learn the true and hidden nature of the world.  But first I stopped in this thrift-shop men’s room.  Even the most urgent journey of discovery must allow time for the journeyer to pee.”
  p. 135

Yes, sometimes the most important thing is the most ordinary.  I have to stop and pee.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Tension, Conflict and Life

Watching the stock market is entertaining, to say the least.  The turmoil and emotional and non-rational swings are both amusing and frightening.  Let me give an example:

Corporations and businesses do their best to keep from hiring employees.  Employees are not assets -- they are cost items.  They encroach on the almighty profits.

So, when employers actually cut jobs, save money and spend it on either dividends or bonuses for the top executives, the price of their stock often rises.  But wait!

When unemployment rises (because corporations and businesses downsize and cut jobs) the market goes down.  The same people who make share prices to UP also make the market to DOWN for the same reasons -- just reasons looked at from a different angle.

Sadly, these people don't see the absurdity of their thinking.  They probably would be helped by reading this blog.  Or not.  Maybe they are beyond help.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Predictable?

I have joined my wife at Silver Sneakers recently.  It's gotten me thinking about predictability.  See, the routines they use in Silver Sneakers have predictable components such as:

• left foot out, right hand back
• right foot out, left hand back
• pulse a movement 8 times fast at the end of a routine
• and so forth

This predictable quality permits us to learn a bit more rapidly what we should be doing together.  The movements don't just stretch our muscles and help us pump air into our lungs.  The movements stretch our brains as we learn various combinations that are somewhat difficult.  

But if we did only the same old, same old every day we would soon be bored -- "bored our of our gourd" as the old saying goes.  The leader introduces different routines.  Maybe it is as simple as left foot out, right hand to the side.  

We need stuff that is predictable.  We also need the unusual, the unexpected, or the surprising as well.  Let me use one more example.

We were recently in Bermuda, a part of the British commonwealth.  For me, an American, one of the big surprises was the way they drove on the left side of the road.  Steering wheels were on the right side of the vehicle.  The first day I was sure I  could never get used to that.  The second day was almost as bad.  But by the third day I was anticipating their "left turn" which was a "right turn" and beginning to get the feel for this unpredictable predictability.  I didn't drive there, but by the end of the week I believed I could.  It was exhilarating.

How do you respond to predictable things in your life?  How do you respond to the unexpected?  Leave a comment and let us know.  

What Accouts for the Increase in Extremism?

It seems as if people need adrenalin to know whether they are alive or not.  

• In generations past, young men and women left the farm and small town to find out if they were alive.
• In 2013 people indulge in Xtreme Sports, embrace an ism (fundamentalism, jihadism, Tea Party-ism).
• In high school and college people, usually girls, cut themselves over and over again.
• There are the people who drive too fast for conditions.
• Others embrace sky-diving or diving off skyscrapers. 

Many of previous generations did stuff like this as well.  Is it built in to the human psyche? 

I made these observations in another blog (http://lustiemusings.wordpress.com/2013/10/04/what-do-we-need/) and want to expand on them.  

I am particularly concerned by the savage way people embrace extremism.  Whether Buddhists in Myanmar, fundamentalist Hindus in India, the IRA, white-supremacist types in both prison and out, fundamentalist Christians espousing hatred for gays and non-Christians or Muslim jihadists -- our world seems hell-bent on embracing extremist positions. 

Currently (October 4, 2013) Republicans have shut the United States government down in a childish attempt to "get their way".  They are held captive not just by Tea Party types in Congress, but by Tea Party rhetoric 'back home'.  In attempting to represent the extremists they are failing to represent the larger majority of people in the nation.  

Is it about adrenalin?  Is it a way to justify the amounts of damage they do?  (Think of the suicide bombers in Iraq, and on 9/11).  Maybe a person doesn't need to ride a motorcycle at 120mph if he or she can disrupt an entire nation and a world economy.

What do you think?  Is extremism just an excuse to foist an enormous temper tantrum on other in the name of something-ism?

Leave a comment and let us know

Form and Reform

All of us are formed as we live our childhood.  I know of one person who was formed, sometimes violently, very well in terms of ethics.  Honesty, truth-telling, respect for others, respecting the property of others -- this person was formed quite well.
He/she was formed differently when it came to substance abuse.  Alcohol, in particular, was there to be used and abused.  He/she was not formed very well in terms of emotional openness and health.  He/she was not formed very well when it came to self-respect and self-value.

Some formation was positive.  Some was lacking, or negative.  Probably most humans could say the same.

As he/she enters adulthood it may be time for re-form.  It may be time for looking carefully at the use of alcohol, or drugs, or sugar, or fats and decide:  "I need to re-form myself in this/these area(s)."  I believe this to be both a personal issue and a social issue.  Addressing the need to think about re-forming oneself is powerfully personal, of course, but it also has an impact on society where he/she lives.  It impacts raising children, being married (or being unmarried), life on the job, how a person balances many parts of living while relating to others.

I think this is a lifelong task, but it belongs primarily in young adulthood.  A person can create his or her own "reform school" and sentence the self to lifelong attendance and ongoing learning and development.

What do you thing?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Brave - 1

Think about bravery with me if you would.  Instances in history come to me:

Jesus, captive to conservative legalists as well as to Roman occupiers, said to a wealthy [conservative?] leader:  "You know the commandments." Then he listed the social behavior commands, and left out the religious commands.  That took guts!

Moving forward in history, brave men and women discounted religion, magic, superstition and kept saying:  "Look at the data!  Look at the data!"

If we don't understand it yet, that doesn't mean it's magic, or a curse, or inevitable.  

Persecuted, burned, hung, flayed and flogged, brave thinking people paved the way for your bravery and mine in 2013.  

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Is Preparation Obvious? Part One

Recently I have had occasion to visit with people who have failed to prepare.  In some ways I have failed to prepare.  Let me use some examples.

Friends are thinking of retiring early.  Great possibilities.  But. . .

They have not been preparing to retire.  Let me count the ways.

They have not developed a breadth of activities they can enjoy and do.

• Active living -- keeping the body strong and healthy could include:
• Walking, cycling, skiing, hiking, serious yard work including digging, landscaping, etc
• Playing tennis, golfing, handball, etc. 
• Dancing or taking dance lessons
• Painting the house or houses
• Helping the others by working on Habitat for Humanity construction projects, shoveling  snow for shut-in, serving and preparing food for community kitchens
• Going on Road Scholar trips that involve a high level of physical activity
• Moderate living -- being active, but not stressing the body, could include: 
• Doing one's own yard word, including pruning, mowing, raking, and planting
• Walking each day
• Playing one or more musical instruments, preferably with others
• Bowling, regular workouts with Silver Sneakers or at a local health facility.  This does not have to be 'heavy duty" stuff.
• Doing your own housework including vacuuming, sweepting, cleaning, etc.
• Quiet living -- for evenings, or when the body has begun to fail, could include:
• Reading, playing board games, getting together with friends to talk, attending films with others and having coffee or dinner afterwards to talk about them, playing computer/tablet games, doing your own preparation for income tax and then preparing your own tax returns, planning trips and projects 
• Taking classes at nearby colleges
• Taking classes on line think of Coursera, for instance) 

You get the idea. In my experience people who retire tend to keep doing what they have "practiced" before they retired.  The time to establish these lifestyle possibilities are when you are in your thirties, forties and fifties.  Of course, it's never to late, but. . . 

What do you think?  Do you have an experience to share?  Leave a comment and let us know. 

"The Butler" - reflections and Responses

The results have changed.  However, when I first used Google to get websites about the film, "The Butler", most of the responses were sites defensive of Ronald Reagan.  People felt the film had portrayed him as a racist.

In fact, the film both gives him personal kudos for his support of his black staff and his decisions to dismantle civil rights progress.  In other words, he had a mixed record.

The amazing thing is the number of people who cannot think carefully, accept the facts that demonstrate a mixed record, and go on with life.  I suspect that Mr. Reagan's defenders have their own racism or their own "right" ideology to defend and he is just a front person for that.

Maybe not.  What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Shop classes -- gone!

On a recent trip crossing Nevada, Utah and Wyoming I had way too much time to think.  I got to wondering about the lack of foresight in most contemporary home owners.  Let me break my thinking into two parts.

Part one:  people who purchase houses, condos, cabins and town homes are genuinely surprised that they have to maintain them.  It may be they expect to mop floors and mow the lawn, but. . .

• they are surprised when the water tank leaks
• they are astonished when the furnace doesn't work well
• they express amazement when the doors don't close properly

In short, the effort and cost of maintaining a home hammers them between the eyes.  They are so often unprepared.

Part two:  I got to wondering if younger home buyers are victims of the elimination of wood shop and home ec courses in public schools.  They have grown up without any understanding of fixing faucets, adjusting doors, and paying for craftspeople who can deal with maintenance issues.

In my experience one can expect to spend about the cost of the house again in thirty or so years in order to maintain it well.  To handle that, in addition to budgeting for monthly mortgage payments one should be budgeting an adequate amount from the second month of ownership, to be put in an investment or savings account, so that there is money available to keep the building and property in good condition.

I learned about such things from my dad and from wood shop at Peninsula High School.  Mr. Miller's Modern Problems class helped as well.  But adults who did not have these classes probably wouldn't even know where to look for classes on this kind of foresight and planning.  Their mortgage broker won't tell them!

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Thinking About Our Past

Have you seen The Butler yet?

I saw it yesterday.  I very strongly recommend it.  Having lived through that history in the northwest part of the United States and having voted for or against each of the presidents in the White House during the butler's time of employment I was stimulated to revisit my own history.

I thought about what I might have done differently.  How I might have been different.  How I grew and changed.

The butler (based on a true story and true incidents) was who he was.  He changed even when he did not know he was changing.  In many ways he is 'every person' -- and so are you and so am I.

See it and then leave a comment.

Freedom

I have nothing this evening to add to this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjbcvWFrglg

What do you think?  Watch, listen and leave your thoughts in a comment.

Success As A Retired Person -- Beginning Exploration

I have been retired nearly thirteen years.  It hit me yesterday that I do not have my "usual" gauges against which to measure me degree of success as a retired person.

When working, I had a salary when employed, annual performance reviews, informal and formal meetings with both my supervisors and those I supervised.  I had the predictability of going to work every day, and being on time.  I could work a little extra each day.

In my personal life I had feedback from my wife, my children, my friends, my acquaintances and my neighbors.  "How am I doing" got answers of many kinds, but mostly from inside myself.

• Am I prompt?
• Am I trustworthy?
• Do people seem to grow because of me?
• Am I solving problems as they come across my path/desk?
• Am I giving at least all that is expected of me at work each day?  

You get the idea.

After retirement I did contract work quite steadily for about nine years, along with service calls and some volunteer work.  The answers to the questions above still applied.

Today I do mostly service calls each week, but I have a lot of extra time to invest, spend, use and waste.  (Scrabble, Cribbage or Solitaire, anyone?)

So I am trying to figure out what gauges apply to me in retirement.  They may not be appropriate gauges for you.  My questions is:  how can you know reasonably well that you are still a useful, wonderful human person?

More later, but first:  what do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Chasing Your Dream

I have a friend who has been chasing his dream since leaving college.  He has gone places, lived places, tried jobs . . . but!

But what, you ask?

His dream is to go back -- back to when the west was wild, back to when he was a child, back to when he was in college.  Rather than taking him forward into the future, he has been determined to go back to a culture and life that no longer exists.

I find myself torn.  I know what it is like to want something that might have made sense 50 or 100 or 200 years ago.  But that dream makes no sense, now.  I live in 2013, not 1963 or 1913 or 1813.  Not only has the culture, population patterns and economic matrix changed -- I have changed as well.  

But I can still dream for tomorrow and next year and the next decade.  Without putting my old dreams down I can dream for my future, and for the future of the world.  Even those are subject to change.

I know a lady who once dreamed of being a medical engineer who designed better knees, created better prosthetics, and so forth.  Part way through medical school, with more information and knowledge she allowed her dream to change and went into a different field of medicine.  Probably since then she has modified or radically changed her dreams more than once.  It's possible that a guy, a family, a home and other dreams were added to her dreams.  She is the kind of person willing to work to make those dreams become reality.  Real reality, not fantasy reality.

Do you have dreams?  Do you update them from time to time?  Will you allow yourself to live somewhere and sometime beyond the old dreams in the past?

Leave a comment and let us know.  

The Trial in Reverse

This editorial cartoon says it well:  if you are thinking, ask yourself about your community a moment.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

What is a Career?

I was listening to NPR as the BBC reported on the high unemployment among young people in Paraguay.  I have heard similar reports about unemployment among the young in largely Muslim countries, in South American countries, and on the continent of Africa.  Unrest, uncertainty, and anger seem to be close neighbors to unemployment.

I got to wondering:  if you cannot start a career, could you find a [ethical] way to make a living?

The I began wondering:  what is a career?

One answer:  working at a job or series of jobs in the same field for the same company.
Another:  working in a series of jobs with the same theme (IT, graphic design, sales, etc.)
Still another:  doing meaningful work, whatever it is.

I'm not sure I know what a career is, and when I ask people, few can give me an answer, but lots of young folks say they want a career.

What is a career?  Can people still have a career, if they ever could?  What do you understand a career to be? Leave a comment and let us know.

Preparing to Grow Older - Part 1

When do we prepare to get older?

In one sense, our bodies prepare to age when we are in the womb.  Genes, hormones, enzymes, muscles and much much more are getting ready to get older.

But somewhere along the line we can consciously prepare to age.  Kids learn to throw and catch, to dress themselves (including learning to tie their own shoes) and to interact socially with others.  Teenaged boys pump iron and practice skills of many kinds.  Teenage girls learn how to arch theri eyebrows or smile just a certain way and to fix their own hair.

Some kids even learn to read, to write, to do arithmetic and even to think.  "When will I ever use this stuff?" has been asked for many generations.  Then we have to use it and forget when we learned it and how we complained.

I'm more concerned with preparing to grow older than sixty.  At age eighteen a year is 5.5% of the time you have been alive.  That makes a year seem like a LONG time.  At age 60 a year is 1.5% of the life lived.  A year doesn't seem so long.  So when someone says, "Prepare the basics when you are young", the young have a hard time believing they need to do so.

The Basics:
  Survival -- food, shelter, and safety.

You start investing part of your income when you are sixteen or eighteen if you want to survive with food and a roof over your head when you are sixty, or sixty-five or seventy.  You start putting money away for housing early, not later.

"I cannot afford to."  That's what I thought, and what most people think when they are eighteen or twenty.  Now you can eat Top Ramen one or two nights more and save something.  You can do it.

No reason to expect "society" or your parents to bail you out when you are forced to retire, as many of us have been, because we hit a magic age (somewhere over forty-five in many cases).

I'm just talking physical survival.  Next time I'll probe this a bit more.

What have you discovered?  What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

The World We Actually Live In

Those of us in fairly good health and who are fairly adept in all senses have expectations.  Unrealistic expectations.  Perhaps foolish expectations.

We expect everyone else to drive precisely and skillfully all the time.

We expect other drivers to forgive our occasional 'goofs'.

We expect all pedestrians to have 20:20 vision and keen hearing.

We expect all pedestrians to be physically quick, with good reflexes.

We expect bicyclists and motorcyclists to watch out for us (because we are in big cars and have the right of way according to US).

We expect to get the promotion(s) we deserve.

If we have the credentials, we expect to get a job offer.

We expect technology to be intuitive, easy to use, and something we are instant masters at using.  

But the world we live in is not like that.  Wake up, folks.  

Of course, the world is not all gloom and despair, either.  But since we have expectations, wouldn't it make sense to keep honing our expectations into ones that are reasonably accurate?

For instance, when you come to a stoplight, or stop sign, and plan to make a free right turn, even though usually there is no one in your way, a realistic expectation might be that there could be a child about to cross, or a small person on a bicycle moving with the green light you should be careful of.  Usually not . . . but sometimes. . . 

What kinds of expectations to you find yourself having to readjust?  What honing would make you a more useful human being?  Leave a comment and let us know.

(Or am I expecting too much?)

Helping Us Think

If you want to think more widely, more deeply and with zest, have I got a resource for you.  The "Brain Pickings" weekly fills the bill.  Check out http://www.brainpickings.org and get on their email list.  From last Sunday's offering:

"What I'd like to say to all of you is that you are all going ato die . . . You have, in fact, already begun to die. "  This is how Joss Whedon begins his commencement address to Weslyan graduates and families in 2013.

Accompanied by art of various kinds, this is only one mind-blowing bit of input that grabs both left brain and right brain.

Give it a try.  Let us know what you think by leaving a comment.

Public Speaking - 1

The sermon this morning got me thinking about speaking.  My wife teaches public speaking in a university, and I have had nearly a lifetime of public speaking experience (and had a great teacher and coach).  Here's what I noticed today.

• A good public speaker knows her/his subject.
• A better public speaker knows his/her audience and her/his subject.
• An even better public speaker doesn't need to read the talk, but can give it with only occasional reference to notes.
• A great public speaker accomplishes all the above while involving the audience.  

What do I mean by "involving the audience"?

One way is to get them laughing.  Appropriate humor provides a way for the audience to laugh, titter, smile, guffaw or otherwise participate.

Another way is to ask rhetorical questions and then wait a few moments for people to answer in their minds.

Yet another method is to ask a question and take a few answers from the audience or congregation.  Provide enough time for people to think, then to realize that they (he, she) is welcome to answer out loud.

Good communication is a two-way process.  No one really enjoys being 'talked at'.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

We Get Excited, We Get Depressed

Most of us who permit ourselves the full range of emotion, the wide range of relationships and the ongoing awareness of whatever and whoever is around us have noticed.  We have noticed how proud, how excited, how great we feel when a child learns something new.  A new word, a new physical skill,  a new social ability, the ability to think for oneself just sends us "over the moon" as my wife would say.

We also have noticed ways in which we feel saddened when a person ages into a stumble, matures into mental confusion, or otherwise grows into ill-advised stubbornness.  We might get depressed, in fact.

We have coaches and teachers to help us grow when we are children, and whether we like it or not we have to listen to them, emulate them, test their ideas.  It seems to me, however, that few of us are aware of coaches and teachers for the latter years of our lives.  Maybe there aren't many.

Maybe we aren't looking.

I think of some of the older people I have known who aged gracefully, forgetting more and more but retaining a sense of good cheer.  Some fell and broke a hip but were gracious and caring to those who visited them.  Others did not want to leave their houses or apartments, but did when the time came, partly to be safer and partly to make life easier on their friends, children and even grandchildren.  They were examples.

They were not teachers or coaches, exactly.  They could not tell others what skills they employed, and that we must employ one day.

Maybe part of what depresses us when we are around the aging who are older is fear.  Fear for ourselves skidding into that unfamiliar territory and getting "D's" and "F's".

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Self Talk

"I'm a devout believer that paying attention to our self-talk is vitally important for our mental health.  In my opinion, making the decision that internal verbal abuse is not acceptable behavior is the first step toward finding deep inner peace.  It has been extremely empowering for me to realize that the negative storyteller portion of my brain is only about the size of a peanut!"  Jill Bolte Taylor, "My Stroke of Insight", p. 161.

As I have visited with people over the years I sometimes get to hear, or get glimpses of, their self-talk.  I agree with Dr. Bolte Taylor about the importance of the way we talk to ourselves.  Usually it is just a muttering to ourselves (often over and over and over) and not a conscious thing.   "I'm so bad", "They can't do that to me" and "I'm unworthy" along with "I deserve to feel bad", "I've been bad" and "I'll get him/her/them" are common themes in people's self-talk.

Occasionally I get a glimpse of "I'm O.K.", or "I will do better", or even "I'm in this for the long haul." These latter three are much more empowering that most.

What messages to you tell yourself emotionally, over and over again?  What stories do you replay?  How might you change the inner self to permit growth and joy?

Don't share these with us, but leave a comment sharing your insights into ways self-talk can be useful.

Wanting To Be Right

Jill Bolte Taylor, "My Stroke of Insight", p. 181, says, "I love that old saying, 'Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?'"

I find this a hard question to answer.

How does one know she/he is "right".  I can 'feel' right, I can appeal to some authority (The Bible, a leader, a political ideology, etc.O and/or I can have admiring friends tell me I am 'right'.  But I might not be right.  I might be very wrong.  

What the old saying is getting at, however, is the need to force my idea of 'right' on others at the risk of destroying friendships and good relationships.  Too often, my demanding that I be found 'right' means that my friends and colleagues must accept being 'wrong'.  

Strange, but I have found few people who like feeling 'wrong'.  How about you?  

Often it doesn't matter.  Even if I am found to be 'right' (and damaging friendships in the process) no one really cares.  Nothing changes.  We just won't have coffee together very often in the future, or maybe won't speak to each other in the future.  But the opinion I am 'right' about doesn't change a law, or a belief system in the general populace.  I was right, but I am getting lonely.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.  

Traditional Values

What are "traditional values"?

One of my sisters-in-law insists that the country was founded on Christian principles, and that Thomas Jefferson was a Christian.  Not just was a Christian, was a born-again evangelical Christian!  This, in spite of his writings and in spite of the "Jefferson Bible" which he created using a knife and splicing together the teachings of Jesus minus any miraculous materiel.  So, if Jefferson was a founding father and a Deist (at best), does he create a "traditional value"?  I suspect he does.

I was raised in a community and a grade school that embraced the traditional values of inclusion and welcome to immigrants.  Many of my family and the families of my friends were second or third generation Scandinavians, Poles, Italians, Irish and Welsh.  We were not tested with people from Mexico or Africa, but I suspect the teachers (at least) would have embraced them as well.

However, our nation has the traditional value of hating newcomers (unless they are "our sort", of course)., bigotry, racism as well as welcoming your huddled masses.  Both are traditional values, and they are in massive conflict.

The White Male of European extraction who touts "traditional values" demonstrates unclear thinking at best and loud-mouthed ignorance at worst.  We'll look at this more in future blog articles.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Provoking Thought

I've seen several films recently that provoke my thinking.  Yesterday my wife and I saw "42", the story of not only Jackie Robinson but of Branch Rickey, teammates and the times when hatred of the "other" was commonplace and inclusion was abhorred.  For me, the cost paid by a pioneer like Jack Robinson came home [again] and has me thinking about what a friend once remarked.  This friend, Marianne Jeffreys, wondered what our children and grandchildren will wonder about that we could tolerate so blindly.

Another, the film "Admission" portrays people living in ruts through the admissions process at Princeton.  Some preferred a life of reckless abandon, others preferred a life of predictability, and all were haunted by ghosts of one kind or another.

I recently started to watch "Brothers in Arms" on DVD, loaned to me by my friend, Jim.  I found it too difficult.  I was being raised during WWII, and I discovered that my hatred of all things NAZI is still too strong.  It makes me meaner and fouler than I want to be.  Nazi adherents are the epitome' of non-thinking, of unthinking bestiality that is equalled only by fundamentalism of most kinds.  I put the DVDs back in their case and returned them to my friend.

What films have been provoking thought in your mind?  Leave a comment and let us know.

The Cost of War - 1

"Sequestration costs GIs Tuition Assistance" reads the headline in the Denver Post for 3/15/13.  While that is BAD for the GIs who were planning to return to school, I wonder if that is really BAD.  

I wonder if the ongoing costs of war, especially greed-motivated war like we indulged in in Iraq, simply costs too much.  Maybe the COSTS that are being felt now as veterans return with PTSD, missing limbs, unemployment, ongoing physical and mental and emotional trauma are just too high.  

Add to that the ways we slap our combat military in the face by hiring contract killers at five to ten times the salary our poorly paid soldiers, marines and sailors make while sending the more poorly paid guys into the nastiest situations while using the mercenaries for the more cushy jobs.  Our government, under both Republican and Democrat leaders, create dissidents every day.  

But, you say, we have to keep our munitions makers in business.  We must keep our shipyards busy.  Sure, it costs a lot to run a war, but we might need these businesses someday.  

Of course, I wonder about the military-industrial complex that gets fat and happy while troops at the pointy end of the stick are dying for less than minimum wage.  How patriotic are these companies and executives?

What do you think about the cost of war?  Leave a comment and let us know.  

Ordinary? No Way!

I suspect that some people in our lives distance themselves from us.  By "us" I mean my wife and me.  If I pick up the "vibes" correctly, we have set our aspirations too low.  We don't mingle with the wealthy, socialize in the 'best' circles, nor have we made friends with governors and the like.  We are guilty of the sin of being ordinary.

Or not.  Each of us has earned advanced degrees.  We think about many things.  We care.  But we have not aspired to be "seen" in the right company, nor have we compromised ourselves to be other than we are. 

So, who is ordinary?  Is it the person who shops at WalMart, consumes 'mommy blogs', and blows air kisses at pseudo-friends?  Or is it the person who gardens for food, drinks beer from a bottle, and doesn't think much about the big issues of life?  Maybe the ordinary person is the one who aerates your lawn or shovels your snow. 

For some, most people are ordinary.  Only they and their kind are extraordinary.  "Real" people party hard, let someone else take care of an aging parent, and get their names in the paper. 

For other people, no one is ordinary.  Each person has unique characteristics, even if it takes effort to see them. 

What do you think?  Do you shun people you seem ordinary?  Or do you spend the energy to see the unique characteristics of each person you meet?  Leave a comment and let us know.

The Readiness is All (Wm. Shakespeare Act 2, scene 5)

When my wife worked at Boeing in ages past she shared space with a Japanese-American lady.  While talking together this lady shared how her family, and so many other Japanese, endured the concentration camps set up by our government.  "We could have moped, spent our energy hosting dreams of revenge or becoming sullen and bored.  We had reason.  But we did not.  We learned -- we learned to write better, speak well, do math, become proficient at everything we could.  We were ready after World War II for whatever opportunities there were."

How about each one of us?  Are we constantly preparing ourselves for whatever opportunities may come our way?  They may be opportunities we never thought about.  They may be opportunities that involve risk and possible loss if we don't do well.  We may not do well. 

The thought I am thinking about, however is summed up in the Boy Scout motto:  Be Prepared.  We all have the possibility of preparing ourselves, our minds, to think new thoughts skillfully, to reason better, to acquire skills, to be surprised with possibilities without being overwhelmed by surprise. 

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

"I Want it Both Ways!"

In a recent newspaper editorial a man asserted that banning assault weapons would be wrong.  He said people kill people, not weapons, and we need to deal with the problem of mentally ill people -- not ban guns.  Then he continued to say that background checks on people purchasing weapons was also wrong.

Wait a minute! my thinking about thinking friends.  Would not background checks find some of the "people problems" before allowing certain people to own guns who might kill kids at schools? 

We have a governance issue before us.  How best can we devise a society that permits great liberties while preventing abuse of citizens, often the citizens with the least power.  The NRA (National Rifle Association, called by a few the National Retarded Association) wants to blame people for shooting people -- but turns around and wants to prohibit the kinds of governance that helps us screen out people who are more likely to hurt folks with weapons.    They say, as it were, "I  want it both ways!".  I think they add , "Dammit" to the end of their plaintive cry.

I believe that is silly thinking.  What do you think?  Can you have it both ways and make any sense  at all?  Leave a comment and let us know. 

Ambivert?

"The best approach is for the people on the ends to emulate those in the center. As some have noted, introverts are 'geared to inspect,' while extraverts are 'geared to respond.' Selling of any sort – whether traditional sales or non-sales selling – requires a delicate balance of inspecting and responding. Ambiverts can find that balance. They know when to speak and when to shut up. Their wider repertoires allow them to achieve harmony with a broader range of people and a more varied set of circumstances. Ambiverts are the best movers because they're the most skilled attuners." . . . Daniel H. Pink, "To Sell Is Human"

Some authors and artists insist that a person will do her/his best work if she/he is "out there", at the edge, almost a screaming lunatic.  Be extreme, they say.  Take a stand that everybody hates, they insist.  

But Daniel Pink seems to think that a "delicate balance" works better for most people most of the time.  I would agree.  Know when to speak, when to listen.  Know both how to respect and how to push.  Understand when to be alone, and when to be with others.  Know when to get your primary signals from within yourself, and when to get your primary signals from others.  

Don't just be an introvert, or an extrovert.  Train yourself to act as an ambivert.  

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know. 

Musing about Toxic People - part 2

I ended part one of this musing like this:  What shall we do with toxic people?  Cut them out of our lives?  Learn to ignore their foolishness and appreciate their good points?  Lock them up?  

I am not wondering what society should do with toxic people.  I am wondering what thinking people, people like you and like me, should do?  I even wonder if there is one answer that fits all situations, or it this requires pondering, puzzling over, and serious thinking. 

I have to wonder how our government would work if all the toxic people who are elected, and who influence elections, were locked away where they could not speak to other and  could not spread their poisons. 

But who decides?  To many Abraham Lincoln was a toxic person who advocated for a larger role of the Federal government, for war, and for emancipation of slaves.  To many others Abraham Lincoln was not a toxic person, but a man who cautiously embraced change for himself and for his country.  Who decides?  A committee?  An individual like John Wilkes Booth?  Voters? 

I know individuals who are extremist right wing bigots who advocate being ready to overthrow our United States government by force.  Yet individually many are kind to dogs and children, and pleasant to be around.  Others are violent and scary.  I have to ask what makes a person a "toxic person"?

What do you think?  How would you define for yourself what a toxic person is?  Our next part in this musing will explore ways to interact positively with toxic people. 

Musing about "Toxic People"

I recall a neighbor who knew what everyone else should believe, should do, and imposed her views belligerently on all she met.  Often she was out there in wacko land, but Boy! did she know how to come on strong.

She was active in her church, and took it upon herself to counsel young women.  She counseled one to leave her husband and break up the marriage of a professional sports player (who was also married) because she had had a vision or a dream.  She was toxic!

Ah!  Some people loved her and found her wonderful.  Others found her as poisonous as as spitting, mature viper. In my opinion she was a "toxic person".  She poisoned relationships even with her own friends and relatives.

What shall we do with toxic people?  Cut them out of our lives?  Learn to ignore their foolishness and appreciate their good points?  Lock them up?

What do you think?  I hope we can  converse about this.  Please leave a comment. 

Certainty?

As I think about thinking I sometimes wish for certainty.  "Couldn't there be a few things we could be absolutely certain about?" I ponder.  The answer always comes back, "No."

I have come to believe that if we had some things that were certain, we would not need to think.  Many people approach religion this way.  They are certain of their god, their doctrine, their convictions and, for reasons of certainty, they stop thinking.  No more questions.  Not more wondering (and no more wonder).  No more looking at things from a different angle. 

I recently purchased a new app for my iPad -- a game of physics.  We can, and must, spin our view of things around in order to shoot the blocks that crush the zombies effectively.  Different angles, different perspectives.  Even then, we are uncertain as to how it will play out.  And that is just a man-made computer game.

How much more thinking MUST be done about real life, real experiences of the transcendent, real quandaries?

What do you think?  Have you come to a point of gratitude for uncertainty?  Sign up and let us know. 

Living . . . when?

In the '60's we heard that it was important to live in the "here and now".  Be present.  Be immediate.  Now is all you can be sure you have.

On the other hand a Quaker philosopher once wrote, "The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you will never sit."  [D. Elton Trueblood]

That implies living for a future you will never see, but creating a future others will enjoy and be enriched by.

I think that means a way of thinking, a way of planning, or a way of not thinking much and not planning much.

I was reminded a couple of days ago of an acquaintance who spends all she ever gets, even bonus money she could not have expected.  She lives for the "now", for what pleases her "now".  She has not money saved to help her child go to college, or beauty school, or get into an apprenticeship program.  She has zero set aside for retirement, and each day she is marching towards that age.  Her grandkids, if she might ever be blessed with any -- she has nothing for them, either.  No tree has been planted for someone else to enjoy, or even for her to sit under.

As I think about it, I think taking the long view makes more sense.  It connects me to others, and to my deepest self.  What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know. 

BE CAREFUL!

Windows Secrets email newsletter mentions today that the "program cannot open" scam is roaring back.  The message wants you to download a program to clean the infection off your computer.  Instead, the downloaded program infects your computer.

During the install on Windows the computer will probably try to warn you.  You are in the habit of clicking an "OK" or "Yes" and Bam!  you get infected.

Again I warn you -- be very careful, and don't download when you get these kinds of messages.  It is best to SHUT YOUR COMPUTER OFF!  Yes, hold down the ON/OFF button for 5-10 seconds and shut it off.  Get away from that as quickly as possible.  When you turn the computer back on it may ask if you want to boot into Safe Mode. 

Do it.

Then restart after it is fully booted.  You will be in regular mode and probably avoided an expensive situation and the corruption of your computer.

See the link to Windows Secrets and become a paying member.  Even $10 a year helps, and you get these warnings.  Even one is worth the price.  I usually charge about $185 to clean off a computer after backing up data, and leave reinstalling programs to the client.  If I install, I charge more.  And I am less expensive than most. 

Leave a comment and let us know your experience or your opinion. 

Death Wish? Return to Childhood?

As I was thinking about New Year's day, and New Year's eve, I thought that the theme for many people on New Year's day was "tomato juice".  Something to relieve the pain of the hangover.  Quiet.  A chance to moan, maybe.

I wonder why people feel they are most alive when they are courting oblivion?  Not just when drinking alcohol to excess, or messing with illegal drugs or abuse of legal drugs, but skiing right at the edge of a cliff, or driving totally recklessly, or committing acts of violence?  Even routine overeating, even skating on known thin ice, even listening to music that is W A A A Y too loud, overloading the autditory system and damaging one's ability to hear.

Is this a death wish?  Or is it a desire to return to childhood where someone else was "to blame" for bad things.

• "Mom should have kept me away from those boys."  
• "Dad should never have trusted me with that car."  
• "My friends should not have gone along with my idea."

When we were children, there was a mixture of truth and error in these comments.  Now that we are grown, responsible for our own actions, not so much.

What do you think?  What indulgences, risks and scary behavior to you feel are right and necessary so that you can feel alive?  Leave a comment and let us know. 

Strong May Not Be Helpful

I am thinking about strong people and weak people, as popularly understood.  I suppose that some folks would think Donald Trump is strong.  Maybe not you, but who do you think of as 'strong'?

Now think of damaged folks, people who hurt physically much of each day, some elderly folks who have trouble getting around -- you get the idea.  Who do you know that seems 'weak'?

In your experience, who is most consistently helpful?  The 'strong' or the 'weak' folks?

In my experience, the strong are usually absorbed in themselves, in staying strong, in demonstrating their strength.  The 'weak', however, know how to be helped and how much help is useful.  Not in all cases, but in most cases, the 'weak', so called, more consistently offer a helping hand, a listening ear, a gift of time.

I had a friend, new in the business world, somewhat unsure of himself who would take the time to help others.  He brought a backhoe over and dug me a shallow well so that I could irrigate my yard.  No charge.  Just help.

A few years later he was successful, with one of the bigger houses in the community, and instead of being helpful he began to be critical of others, wanting things done 'his way' or not at all.  His strength did not make him more caring.

Another friend has suffered from an ongoing illness for over thirty years.  She is consistently helpful to coworkers, fellow church members, her family, and just about everyone she meets.  Strong?  Weak?  Most people who are 'strong' would consider her 'weak', but I consider her somewhat wonderful.  Helpful  Friendly.

What do you think?  Leave a comment or an example and let us know.