Self Talk

"I'm a devout believer that paying attention to our self-talk is vitally important for our mental health.  In my opinion, making the decision that internal verbal abuse is not acceptable behavior is the first step toward finding deep inner peace.  It has been extremely empowering for me to realize that the negative storyteller portion of my brain is only about the size of a peanut!"  Jill Bolte Taylor, "My Stroke of Insight", p. 161.

As I have visited with people over the years I sometimes get to hear, or get glimpses of, their self-talk.  I agree with Dr. Bolte Taylor about the importance of the way we talk to ourselves.  Usually it is just a muttering to ourselves (often over and over and over) and not a conscious thing.   "I'm so bad", "They can't do that to me" and "I'm unworthy" along with "I deserve to feel bad", "I've been bad" and "I'll get him/her/them" are common themes in people's self-talk.

Occasionally I get a glimpse of "I'm O.K.", or "I will do better", or even "I'm in this for the long haul." These latter three are much more empowering that most.

What messages to you tell yourself emotionally, over and over again?  What stories do you replay?  How might you change the inner self to permit growth and joy?

Don't share these with us, but leave a comment sharing your insights into ways self-talk can be useful.

Wanting To Be Right

Jill Bolte Taylor, "My Stroke of Insight", p. 181, says, "I love that old saying, 'Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?'"

I find this a hard question to answer.

How does one know she/he is "right".  I can 'feel' right, I can appeal to some authority (The Bible, a leader, a political ideology, etc.O and/or I can have admiring friends tell me I am 'right'.  But I might not be right.  I might be very wrong.  

What the old saying is getting at, however, is the need to force my idea of 'right' on others at the risk of destroying friendships and good relationships.  Too often, my demanding that I be found 'right' means that my friends and colleagues must accept being 'wrong'.  

Strange, but I have found few people who like feeling 'wrong'.  How about you?  

Often it doesn't matter.  Even if I am found to be 'right' (and damaging friendships in the process) no one really cares.  Nothing changes.  We just won't have coffee together very often in the future, or maybe won't speak to each other in the future.  But the opinion I am 'right' about doesn't change a law, or a belief system in the general populace.  I was right, but I am getting lonely.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.  

Traditional Values

What are "traditional values"?

One of my sisters-in-law insists that the country was founded on Christian principles, and that Thomas Jefferson was a Christian.  Not just was a Christian, was a born-again evangelical Christian!  This, in spite of his writings and in spite of the "Jefferson Bible" which he created using a knife and splicing together the teachings of Jesus minus any miraculous materiel.  So, if Jefferson was a founding father and a Deist (at best), does he create a "traditional value"?  I suspect he does.

I was raised in a community and a grade school that embraced the traditional values of inclusion and welcome to immigrants.  Many of my family and the families of my friends were second or third generation Scandinavians, Poles, Italians, Irish and Welsh.  We were not tested with people from Mexico or Africa, but I suspect the teachers (at least) would have embraced them as well.

However, our nation has the traditional value of hating newcomers (unless they are "our sort", of course)., bigotry, racism as well as welcoming your huddled masses.  Both are traditional values, and they are in massive conflict.

The White Male of European extraction who touts "traditional values" demonstrates unclear thinking at best and loud-mouthed ignorance at worst.  We'll look at this more in future blog articles.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let us know.

Provoking Thought

I've seen several films recently that provoke my thinking.  Yesterday my wife and I saw "42", the story of not only Jackie Robinson but of Branch Rickey, teammates and the times when hatred of the "other" was commonplace and inclusion was abhorred.  For me, the cost paid by a pioneer like Jack Robinson came home [again] and has me thinking about what a friend once remarked.  This friend, Marianne Jeffreys, wondered what our children and grandchildren will wonder about that we could tolerate so blindly.

Another, the film "Admission" portrays people living in ruts through the admissions process at Princeton.  Some preferred a life of reckless abandon, others preferred a life of predictability, and all were haunted by ghosts of one kind or another.

I recently started to watch "Brothers in Arms" on DVD, loaned to me by my friend, Jim.  I found it too difficult.  I was being raised during WWII, and I discovered that my hatred of all things NAZI is still too strong.  It makes me meaner and fouler than I want to be.  Nazi adherents are the epitome' of non-thinking, of unthinking bestiality that is equalled only by fundamentalism of most kinds.  I put the DVDs back in their case and returned them to my friend.

What films have been provoking thought in your mind?  Leave a comment and let us know.